Joe Millionaire: The LoD parody
by Tsu-chan-chan
Summary: From the same insane author who brought you numerous parodies comes this parody of Joe Millionaire. The first batch of fangirls arrive, and they get a big surprise!
1. Dart Feld: the pyroturned rich guy

Joe Millionaire: The LoD parody

  
Brought to you by:

Rikku oh Ki

and by

the letter "M" for Meru

Notes from the Cabbit: Konyanananchiwa!  Copy cabbit here! Anou...I watched the premier of "Joe Millionaire", and a very insane idea came to mind. What if, instead of that construction dude, how about Dart?

Dart: Really!? I get to be rich!? Sweet!

Hold on, Dart. You don't get to be rich. Soa only knows what you'd do with the money.

Dart: *pouts*

Stop that!

Dart: *glares*

I do have the power to make you die, or...*snaps fingers, and Shana appears, tied to a rocket*

Dart: Shana!

I knew you'd see things my way. Anyways, as I was saying, instead of that construction dude, we have Dart. We are looking for 20 insane fangirls, who upon hearing of Dart's fake inheritance, shall flock to Indels Castle, just to meet Dart. However...*casts Sleep on Dart, who is trying to rescue Shana* like the say in the show, only 12 girls will make the cut to move on to the next round. After that, 5, and then 1. Now, have I made myself clear? Oh, and if Dart's not your preference, I can switch him out with another LoD bishie...well...except Albert.

Albert: What are you conspiring to do?

Nothing...

Chapter 1: Dart Feld, the pyro-turned-rich guy 

Copy cabbit: Okay...anou...*looks around* Dart! Where are you!?

Dart: You rang?

Copy cabbit: Don't give me that attitude. *points to Shana* That thing has a ten-second fuse, and if you piss me off, you can say bye-bye to Shana.

Dart: Okay...

Copy cabbit: *points to Dart* This is Dart Feld, resident pyromaniac, former Red Eye Dragoon, current Divine Dragoon, total idiot.

Dart: Hey! I resent that!

Copy cabbit: *gets out switch* One little flick of the switch, and Shana is out of here.

Dart: Eeps! I'll behave!

Copy cabbit: Please do. I really don't like Shana, you know.

Shana: HELP!

Copy cabbit: As I was saying, Dart doesn't make much money. In fact, I really don't think he has any at all. However, we all know that there has to be at least 20 fangirls that don't know that, which is why we've come up with what we'd call a "50 million dollar lie".

Dart: Do you even have that much money?

Copy cabbit: If I did, Albert would be mine. Anyways, we've called up 20 fangirls and told them that Dart just inherited 50 million dollars. They'll all get to know Dart, and hopefully by the time this show is over, kill him.

Dart: No!

Copy cabbit: One more time, and Shana gets it.

Dart: *shuts up*

  
Copy cabbit: In the end, only one girl will win, but when that time comes, Dart must tell her that he is actually a very poor pyromaniac who has no life other than worshipping the Moon Child, Shana. I do recommend you watch the show when that time comes around. Good for the ratings. Since Dart has almost no manners at all, I've forced Minister Noish and Albert to teach him.

Albert: I will do no such thing!

Meru: Yes, you will! *gets out hammer*

Copy cabbit: Listen to Meru, Albert.

Albert: And what will happen if I don't?

Copy cabbit: That. *points to screaming Albert fangirls, blocked by Rose, Kongol, Lloyd, Lavitz, and a whole slew of other characters*

Albert: Big deal!

Copy cabbit: I'm not finished. *points to Emille, who is suspended over a tank full of piranhas*

Albert: So?

Copy cabbit: That's not all. Meru? *covers her ears*

Meru: Okie dokie! *takes a deep breath* I love you, you love me. We're a great big family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say-

Albert: *convulsing* NOOO!!!

Copy cabbit: Okay, Meru, you can stop now.

Meru: Okay!

Copy cabbit: Now, do you see? If you refuse, I'll make your life a living hell.

Albert: ...

Copy cabbit: Good. Now, Dart. *notices Dart is missing* Hoe!?

Dart: Shana! I'm coming to save you! *runs towards rocket*

Copy cabbit: Oh, no you don't. *flicks switch, and fuse lights*

Computer Voice: 10...9...8...7...

Dart: Shan~na *runs in slow motion*

Shana: Dart!

Computer Voice: 6...5...4...3...

Dart: Shan~nnna!

Shana: Dar~rrrt!

Computer Voice: 2...1...We have lift-off.

*rocket shoots off*

Shana: DARRRRRRRRRT!

Copy cabbit: In space, no one can hear you scream.

*the rocket flies off into the wild blue yonder, and shoots down Sora, Goofy, and Donald from Kingdom Hearts*

Sora: Mayday! Mayday!

Copy cabbit: *gets out a pair of binoculars, and watches, amused* I never liked them, anyways.

Dart: *on his knees, crying* Shana! *sob* Why!?

Copy cabbit: Oh, lighten up. You get to meet 20 girls. Shouldn't that be enough to stop you from mourning?

Dart: *still crying* Shana....

Copy cabbit: *sweatdrop* Hey...stop that! It's for your own good!

Dart: You killed Shana!

Copy cabbit: And?

Dart: I hate you!

Copy cabbit: Join the club.

Dart: I hope you die!

Copy cabbit: Sorry, but no can do. Fangirls that are also fanfic authors are immortal.

Dart: Really?

Copy cabbit: Yup!

Dart: Cool!

Albert: *shocked* She just killed your fiancée! Don't you feel the least bit of hatred!?

Dart: Nope! *gets out a magnifying glass, and starts burning himself* So...what do we do first?

Copy cabbit: *evil grin* Dancing.

Dart: Cool! *starts doing the Macarena* 

Copy cabbit: *frowns* Not that type of dancing. *claps her hands* Meru!

Meru: Yeah?

Copy cabbit: *even more of an evil grin* Teach Dart how to dance.

Meru: *sees Copy cabbit's evil grin and does her own evil grin* Sure thing! *grabs Dart*

Dart: Hey! W-wait! *gets thrown into a wall*

Meru: And 1-2-3, 1-2-3...*slams Dart into various walls*

Dart: Ouchies! What kind of dance is this!?

Copy cabbit: The breakdance waltz. It's the latest rage.

Dart: I've never heard of it!

Copy cabbit: That's because you're an idiot. Now, if you'll excuse me...*starts to wander off*

Dart: NOOO!! Don't leave me alone with Meru! She'll kill me!

Copy cabbit: Well, if she does, I'll just hire a replacement. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and fetch Albert. *leaves*

Dart: *watches Copy cabbit leave* I am so dead...

Meru *grabs Dart* C'mon, you've got a dance to learn! *does a few waltz-like steps, then slams Dart into the wall*

*Meanwhile*

Copy cabbit: *outside library door* Albert! Unlock the door this instant!

Albert: No!

Copy cabbit: I'll blow it up!

Albert: I'm not coming out!

Copy cabbit: *thinks for a second* Hm...*lightbulb lights up over her head* Oi! I've got an idea! *gets out a verry large dictionary* Oh Albert...I've got a dictionary!

Albert: Really!? *unlocks the door, rushes out, and is grabbed by the arm* Hey!

Copy cabbit: You'll get the book after you've given Dart some etiquette lessons.

Albert: *whimpers*

*a few hours and a few broken bones later, Dart has been tied to a chair and placed in the dining room. Albert and Noish are nearby. None can escape, as Copy cabbit has sealed all of the exits*

Albert: *eye twitches* Once again, Dart...what do you use to eat lobster with?

Dart: Um...my hands!

Albert: *thinking* Must not kill Dart...must not kill Dart...

Noish: For the 30th time...you use a fork and a knife to eat lobster, not your hands!

Dart: *as if he heard it for the first time* Oh...I see...

Copy cabbit: *bitch-slaps Dart* Moving along...*brings in various wines* We're going to show you how to drink wine properly, and what foods go with what wine.

Albert: Do you even know about the types of wine?

Copy cabbit: No, and I don't know how to perform a Japanese tea ceremony, either, but that's not the point.

Albert: Then what is the point?

Copy cabbit: That as long as we can fake it, we shall. If the fangirls kill Dart, we'll just replace him.

Albert: And how do you expect that to fair with the readers?

Copy cabbit: No biggie! They'll love it!

Albert: *sweatdrop*

Dart: *looks at wine* What is this?

Copy cabbit: Wine. Something you'll never have again.

Dart: Cool! *starts drinking the wine*

Copy cabbit: Anou...Dart?

Dart: *still drinking the wine*

Copy cabbit: Well, minna-san, it looks like Dart is going to be drunk.

Dart: *slurred speech* Whyy~yyii~iinnnneee

Copy cabbit: *sweatdrop* This should be interesting...

To Be Continued...

Well, ya heard me! I need 20 insane fangirls who want to be with Dart to review this chapter, so hurry up and review! Jest tell me what you want to be called, and what kind of weapon you'll be bringing! And as I've said before, if Dart's not your preference, I can always switch him out with another bishie...except Albert.

Albert: And why not me?

'Cause you probably have 50 million dollars.


	2. The first batch of fangirls arrive

Joe Millionaire: The LoD Parody

brought to you by:

Rikku oh Ki

and

numerous fangirls

and by

Soa

Notes from the Cabbit: Konyananichiwa! Copy cabbit here, with chapter 2! Anou…isn't there anyone else who wants to torture Dart? Huh? Oh well…then I guess you'll have to make do with the little surprise I have for you…

Chapter 2: The first batch of fangirls arrive 

Noish: *is tied to a leather armchair, sitting in front of a fireplace* Welcome back, minnas. As you may well know, I am Minister Noish, assistant to King Albert. I was enjoying my life up until last week, when Copy cabbit took over the castle and forced me and His Majesty to teach Dart how to act like a gentleman. Of course, in exchange for my life, and the safety of the king from rabid fangirls, we have surrendered the castle so Copy cabbit can invite rabid fangirls here. Why? Because she called them up and told them Dart inherited 50 million dollars. Now…as we start the second episode, we meet the first batch of fangirls.

Copy cabbit: See, Noish? That wasn't so bad, now was it?

Noish: I refuse to comment…

Copy cabbit: Well, anyways, I better go outside to make sure the fangirls aren't killing each other. Wouldn't want them to miss out on my little surprise, meheheh…*gets out the Pink Chibi Wand (copyright me. Wanna use it? ask. Perfect for keeping LoD chars under control) Also gets out a bag labeled "Tools for Mass Destruction…and Everything In-between (also copyright me).*

*outside, we see a horse-drawn carriage carrying Fifi and Silver, Fifi attached to Lavitz's arm…*

Fifi: So Dart inherited money?

Silver: Sounds fishy to me…*readies her Magical Spatula of Evil Badness (copyright Silver)*

Fifi: As long as I have Lavitz, it'll be fine…*gets out her Clicky Pen of Doom (copyright Fifi)*

*the carriage stops in front of the castle. Haschel, the driver, takes off as soon as the girls get off*

Lavitz: *thinking* Soa, if you have any shred of kindness left in your heart, you will make sure Jade isn't here…

*another carriage, driven by Meru, is speeding towards the castle. It collides into Haschel's carriage in the process. Onboard are Aerena and Sora*

Aerena: *pouts* I wanna be with Lloyd…*gets out a stapler (copyright the inventor of the stapler*

Sora: Me too…*gets out chopsticks (copyright whoever first made them)*

Meru: Yeeehaw! *runs over Haschel as the carriage finally arrives at the entrance* 

*a third carriage, driven by Shirley (who was brought back to life), also arrives at the castle. On this carriage are Yami Dart and Sami*

Sami: *pokes Yami Dart* Why are you here?

Yami Dart: Whaddya mean?

Sami: You're a guy…

Yami Dart: So?

Sami: What are you doing here?

Yami Dart: I'm bored, and I want to participate in killing Dart. *gets out broadsword* See?

Sami: Oh. 

*finally, a carriage driven by Damia (also brought back to life), arrives, carrying SorsX*

SorsX: Hehe…I can't win cause I'm in love with Lloyd, but that doesn't mean I can't have some fun with Dart!

*the camera now shows Copy cabbit*

Copy cabbit: Well minnas, I think it's high time we break for commercial, neh? Keheheh…

*We now break for commercial. The commercial? Axe Deodorant Body Spray*

Copy cabbit: *from backstage* And…action!

*In some random office building, we see Albert, shirtless at first, on an elevator, spraying some Axe Deodorant Body Spray on himself. When the elevator stops, he gets off, putting his shirt on. Lavitz gets on*

Lavitz: *thinking* Soa, I know you don't like me that well, seeing as you let Lloyd kill me in the game, but please, PLEASE tell me Jade isn't the one getting on…

Soa: Sorry, but no can do!

Lavitz: Damn it!

Jade: *grinning* Lavitz! 

*Jade gets on the elevator. She smells the Axe Deodorant Body Spray, and stops the elevator*

Lavitz: *thinking* Soa, if you get this elevator moving again, I will do anything for you!

Soa: Soa isn't home right now. If you'd like to leave a message, please leave your name and number and message at the beep…

Lavitz: *thinking* My life is over…

*Now of course we don't see what goes on in the elevator, but as soon as it reaches it's designated floor, we see Jade get off, grinning. Lavitz is left on the elevator*

Lavitz: *sees Fifi approaching, and desperately presses the Close Door button* Please work…

Fifi: Too late! *gets on the elevator*

Lavitz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*commercial ends. scene now shows Copy cabbit meeting the fangirls and one guy*

Copy cabbit: Okay, minnas, as I told you already, Dart just inherited 50 million dollars. It's your job to torture him in every way in order to get him to choose you. Now…any questions?

Sami: *raises hand*

Copy cabbit: Yes?

Sami: Can I go home?

Copy cabbit: Now why would you wanna do that when…*evil grin as Lloyd is summoned*

Lloyd: *lands on the ground very hard* Ouch…

Lloyd fangirls: Lloyd! *stampede to reach Lloyd*

Copy cabbit: Alrighty then…both Lloyd and Dart have inherited 50 million dollars. How they did is anyone's guess. Who knows; maybe they'll tell ya if you ask…*trails off* Well then, shall we get to meet Dart?

*Dart, still drunk, comes in on horseback*

Dart: Heeeeyyy…*falls off the horse*

Copy cabbit: *huge sweatdrop* This, is you don't know already, is Dart Feld. He just inherited 50 million dollars. *glares at Dart* Dart, say hello to the ladies.

Dart: Helllooooo…

Copy cabbit: *frowns* Okay, Dart. That's enough. You can go back now. *thinks for a sec* Sober up, will ya?

Dart: Suuureeee…*tries to get back on the horse, but it takes off as soon as he gets one foot in  the stirrup, dragging him along*

Copy cabbit: …*watches Dart leave* Hm…*claps her hands* But of course! Follow me!

*there is now a large group of Lloyd fangirls following Copy cabbit, dragging Lloyd with them. Everyone else follows behind them. Finally, they stop in front of a door*

Fifi: Is this where we torture Dart?

Copy cabbit: Close, but no cigar. Actually, I have something different. In this room are designer dresses for the ball tonight. You have 30 seconds to pick a dress. *opens door* Have fun!

*there is a even bigger stampede as all the fangirls rush inside. Mass chaos ensues as they fight over who gets what dress. Finally, the 30 seconds are up, and the girls limp out of the room, each holding on to a dress, or what's left of them.*

Copy cabbit: Okay then! Noish will show you to your room, and you can get dressed.

*Noish reluctantly shows the girls to their room. Yes, they're all in the same room, mainly for the purpose of keeping track of them. After all, Copy cabbit can't afford tracking devices. Later on, the girls arrive at the ballroom on-by-one, Fifi still attached to Lavitz*

Lavitz: I'm not even supposed to be here, Fifi…

Fifi: So? Copy cabbit said I could bring you with me!

Lavitz: I'll have to remember to thank her later…

*Dart and Lloyd are waiting inside, dressed in tuxedos.*

Dart: *tugs at his tuxedo* This thing isn't flammable…

Copy cabbit: Yeah. I can't afford to have you burning yourself so early in the game…

Dart: *sees the fangirls* Hey! Who wants to dance with…

*most of the fangirls rush right past Dart as they head straight for poor defenseless Lloyd, who has no time to react as the fangirls start fighting over him*

Aerena: Mine! *grabs Lloyd's right arm*

Sami: Mine! *grabs Lloyd's left arm*

Fifi: *ignores the fight, and walks up to Dart, Clicky Pen of Doom ready to strike* So…how in the name of Soa did you inherit 50 million dollars?

Dart: Um…*sees Meru in the distance, holding up cue cards* It was my Uncle Bob! *cries* He was such a great uncle…even thought I never knew him…

Fifi: *frowns* Hm…sure…*walks up to Lloyd, despite the mass chaos* So, Lloyd, how did you inherit 50 million dollars?

Lloyd: What!? I inherited 50 million dollars!? When!? *sees the cue cards* Damn Wingly…I mean, Dart and I are related, so Uncle Bob left us each 50 million dollars! 

Fifi: Why are we at Indel Castle?

Lloyd: What is this, 20 Questions? How the hell am I supposed to know!? *sees Meru shrug* Damn it!

Fifi: *wanders off, and sees Lavitz. She is now wandering around, dragging Lavitz with her*

*A few hours and mass casualties later…*

Copy cabbit: *points her Pink Chibi Wand at Noish*

Noish: *gulps* Ahem…and now, both Dart and Lloyd have chosen who goes on to the next round…

Meru: *runs into the room* Waaaaait!

Copy cabbit: *glares at Meru* What is it?

  
Meru: We still haven't got enough fangirls!

Copy cabbit: *blinks* Why Meru, you're right! Brilliant deduction!

Meru: Huh? what does that mean?

Copy cabbit: *sweatdrop* Never mind…

Well, that's all for chapter 2! BTW…did you guys know that Sony is making a sequel to LoD? Anyways…read and review! I need more fangirls! Until next time, ja ne!


End file.
